This guy is great

Which guy is great? 

My husband, Ryan.

When I write on this blog or tell stories (which I love to do, by the way), I feel like Ryan comes across as this elusive but ever-stable and wonderful man. 

It's true.  Except for the elusive part.  I feel like I know Ryan quite well.  That's for the best, I suppose, considering we are married.  

Ryan is an amazing man and husband.  We have been married for nearly two and a half years.  When we got married, I had no idea how much of a leap of faith I was taking and no idea of how great things would truly become.  He is patient, loving, generous, easy-going, intellectual, a great listener, funny, and a man after the will and heart of God.

Ryan and I have opposite Myers-Briggs letters (I am an ENFP, he is an ISTJ) and I think that pretty much makes us the poster children (or adults, really, as we are in our mid-twenties) for complimentary relationships.  My friends who knew me in college can smile along with me as I say God gave me Ryan, whom I needed; not someone else, whom I wanted.  I had a crush during my collegiate years on a great guy who was suspiciously a lot like me.  That can work for some, as God has no limits, but as Ryan has emphatically noted, our relationship does not need more of Emily.   

Ryan and I have had a few mini-photo sessions of ourselves so we could send out Christmas cards, which could be another post entirely, but I will save you the drama and just post pretty pictures of us, courtesy of his sister Elizabeth and his dad.  Enjoy :) 





This is our official Christmas card picture!



No, I Won't Just "Let It Go"



Don't worry, this is a staged shot
of L7 and A6.

As I continue to work as a nanny I have discovered that the sharing of adult wisdom when children are having a "discussion" of sorts could be listed at the top of the job description.  Some might refer to this simply as "refereeing". L7 and N6 are great kids who have a fun sister-brother relationship but they also have their fair and normal share of conflict.  The adults in the house are working are encouraging the kiddos to use kind words and a calm tone of voice to minimize sources and outbursts of anger.  However, we are also working on encouraging them to LET IT GO.

(Also, if you're confused about these cryptic code names being used, I explain it all here). 

In a good mood and working the camera.

For instance:

What, you came in from outside and someone else closed the garage door behind you?  Probably let it go.  (Or, you know, cry about it.  Whatever works).

Someone is walking down the stairs with you and then quickens their pace, and arrives at the bottom first?  Hmm... I would also say this is a "let it go" situation. 

Letting things go is a huge part of my marriage and my life.  It is both helpful and frustrating that I married the King of the Nobel Land of Letting Go-Ness but mostly a good thing, as he forgives faults and minor frustrations freely and easily and has a knack for moving on and not letting things get to him. 

Typically, when people talk about letting go, they are referring to things of a negative nature.  Let go of the past - it's gone.  Let go of your anger - it won't help.  Let go of that loss - try to move on. 

However, right now, I do not want to let go. 

I want to cling on to the goodness of God that has been overflowing around Ryan and I and continue to welcome it with open arms.  Here I am, God.  Please, continue this shower of blessings - You are amazing!

This concept struck me the other morning as I was reading one of the psalms.  The author wrote this now-familiar line: "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever."  (Psalm 118:1, 29)

How many millions of people have said, read, or sang that line, over the course of thousands of years?  How many people can testify to the sheer truth and greatness of that statement?  God's ever-enduring love and goodness is not something we should just "get over."  Simply observing that God is good, always and forever, give thanks, and then letting go would be ridiculous.  Likewise, we should embrace this amazing truth, celebrate it, and live our lives in light of it.

I realize that my last blog post was primarily about being in the center of God's will and how amazing that feels and this post about God's goodness could come across as redundant.  But then again - how could God's love ever become redundant?  People have been singing His praises for thousands of years and it won't be stopping anytime soon.  This is the soul's natural response to such truth. 

So, I am not letting go of God's goodness to me.  I am savoring the fact that I have an amazing employer and I love going to work.  I delight in the jokes and cuddles I share with my husband each day.  I humbly adore the ways that God is molding me and humbling me as I read through Hosea and understand even more how the Israelites are just like me.  I am in true awe of how God has provided for us financially as we moved from the ever practical,  stable [and salary-earning] lives we lived in Fargo to this affluent, expensive area.  We are paying for Ryan's grad school and we aren't earning a salary and yet... it's okay.  Seriously.  I have been keeping a list of the all the things that have happened and blessed us in our finances since we moved here in August.  There are 25 items on it as of this week, 25 different ways God has intervened in our lives so that we can pay our bills, have enough to eat, etc., etc...

This short list is only the beginning of things that I have been blessed by lately.  So yes, I am basking in God's everlasting love and goodness.

I am not letting go of this.  I am giving thanks and holding on. 

How would you answer this question?

I have been hearing a lot of questions lately.  Such is the nature of working with elementary children.  Here is a sampling:

"Can you tell me a story, about me?"
"What did the nut say to the other nut?" [answer: You're nuts!]
"Why are there watermelons without seeds?"
"What would happen if you mixed a cup of something bitter, something salty, something sweet, and something sour together?"
"How old is your mom?"
"What does 'interference' mean?"
"Will we see Judas in heaven?" [I am not making this up, this topic has come up in conversation twice since I've been working there].

I have had an idea rolling around in my head for awhile to write a blog post about the importance of asking questions, and fill it up with cute and meaningful quotes and questions from the nanny family.  However, there were two significant flaws in this scenario:

1. Remembering their questions required me to actually remember their questions.
2. I  only had one thing on my mind to say about it.

I'll go ahead and let you know the one thing that I initially wanted to share and tangent my way off into another topic.  Here it is:

Asking questions is the smart thing to do.

I didn't always believe this.  In fact, I thought that smart kids (or people, as I referred to my peers once I reached the age of 12 or so) were the ones who knew enough so that they didn't need to ask questions.  Teaching in the music classroom proved that to be quite untrue.  In my classroom, I learned that the kids who are the brightest, who care the most about learning, the ones who are most likely to succeed are the one to ask questions.  They would be the ones to stop me mid-story to ask what a word meant.  They would be first to admit that something didn't make sense.  It was the not-as-smart kids who would just go along with anything and either not notice or care that something didn't make sense.

Moral of this story?  Ask questions.  Be smart.

My awesome younger brother asked me an interesting question the other day.  (Did you notice this transition into a new topic?  Smooth and flawless).  We hadn't talked on the phone in awhile, and he asked what the highlight of my month was.  I happened to have a wonderful October, and tried to pinpoint why and answer in a more succinct, less Emily-esque-spiderwebby way and was mostly successful.  I said something along the lines of I have enjoyed working full time and settling into my wonderful job, and then enjoying my weekends with my husband even more. 

While I think that is true information, I think that there's more to the "enjoyment" of this past month.  Not only have I been enjoying myself, I can confidently say that I have experienced some amazing contentment, and I believe that this contentment is directly correlated with the fact that where I am (and where Ryan and I are, as a family) right now is in the center of God's will.

Because I am not the apostle Paul and have not learned to be content in any and every circumstance, when I do get to a point of feeling contented, I try to milk it for all its worth.  I reflect on it, I praise God, I smile a lot.  I think a lot about why I'm there, or about how I got there.  I recently tried to analyze this and realized that thinking in terms of the following statement was quite nice and helpful in organizing how I am feeling and such:
 
"I know I am in the center of God's will when..."

When what?  How could I articulate this?  How could I express myself when things are going well?  How would I finish this statement?  How would you finish this statement?

I asked some friends to fill in the blank in this statement, too, and wanted to share some of the answers I gave and they gave.  I'll give you my responses first:

"I know I am in the center of God's will when...."
-My circumstances lead me to an unfamiliar or unexpected place, yet I have true contentment there
-I can see a clear need and see how I (along with my giftings/talents/whatnot) can fill it
-My heart feels lighter [I know my Myers-Briggs letters could be written as ENFP, as I am a true feeler, but please believe me when I say this is a legitimate and truly amazing feeling]
-I don't turn back, even if I'm scared and want to.

Here's how some of my friends responded:
"I know I am in the center of God's will when...."
-I have the peace that surpasses human understanding (especially when my circumstances "should" be throwing me into a panic)
-I am abounding in joy for God's love
-I see God in the little things
-I cannot help but to mention God in nearly all my conversations
-Satan attacks me
-I look back and evaluate recent (or not so recent) happenings in my life. [This friend noted that we don't always see God's will in the midst of everything, yet He is sovereign]

Isn't this a statement/question you want to be able to finish with a flourish? 

How would you answer this question? 

If you aren't in the center of God's will, would you consider trying to find a way there - or letting Him lead you there?  I feel like it is completely worth it... and have learned and re-learned that being in the center of God's will is truly the best place to be.
 

This is a great question to ask as well as a great question to answer.

Three Simple Ways to Make Dinner Even Better

Ryan and I had a most excellent  night together last night and part of this excellence was due to our dinner.  It was delicious!  Being the caring person I am, I thought I would enlighten you to a few simple tricks to make your evening meals even better:

1. Make homemade bread.

I make homemade bread once a week (it used to be closer to 2-3x) and it is delicious. Always. I have literally had no complete failures, and in my past year of bread making, only two occasions have arose where something went wrong to the point where I wouldn't feel comfortable giving the bread away. That didn't mean, however, that it wasn't served to our Fargo Sunday night Bible study friends.  Last night's variety was a variation on peasant bread from my beloved Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day cookbook. (http://www.artisanbreadinfive.com/).

  

I make a lot of bread, but this one might have been one of the best loaves yet. I would estimate that about 85% of it was consumed by us last night, eaten with butter or simply dipped in our hearty Mulligatawny (an Indian, curry-chicken-amazingness) soup.

2. Have Ryan make you dinner.

He's really good at cooking.  Unfortunately, this isn't an option for many of you, unless you are me or Jenna, who is also married to a Ryan, but it has really worked well for me lately to have my husband cook.  The bigger piece of advice here, though, is to be aware of the needs of your spouse and/or those around you who are potentially in your family.  I worked nearly 10 hour days the past two days and needed some down time at home before committing myself to the kitchen.  Ryan stepped up to the plate and made the bulk of our meals, and then I made bread and cleaned up.  Results?  I get some pre-dinner rest time, Ryan gets to serve me, and we both eat together and appreciate good food and good company without feeling bitter or overtired.  Eat dinner with a servant's heart and enjoy one another's company.  This was a crucial part to enjoying dinner so much last night. 

3. Eat at an hour that is probably too late for dinner. 

Think about it: If you eat at, say, hypothetically, 9:00 p.m., anything you eat will taste delicious.  You will be hungry, especially if you hold back on the snacking.  Not that we have ever done anything like this.  We always eat promptly at 6:00 p.m. and clean up immediately after, using homemade dish soap and the drying with the towels I sewed and turn in for bed at quarter to nine, after reading the entire book of Psalms out loud and singing a hymn together, of course. 

There you have it, the Aubrey's guide to excellent dinners.  Feel free to give me copious amounts of praise and acknowledgement when your supper times drastically improve as you implement these three simple tips. Good luck and happy eating!

Run down on the nanny family

I have been nannying for some time now and I basically love it.  It's a great fit for me and I am settling into routines and life with this most excellent family.  I have also gotten the go-ahead to post pictures of the kiddos, who I will affectionately refer to by letters and potentially their age.  I considered doing this in real life but it is more awkward in the spoken vernacular than in the written word.  (And yes, I just wanted a reason to use the word vernacular).

Here they are, summarized for you:

L7: Oldest child, female.  Has a memory sharper than a shark's tooth.  Enjoys reading, biking, talking, asking questions, playing violin (usually), and fairy-related items.  It was from her that I learned you need to be 14 years old before you can be a tooth a fairy. 

N6: Moved from youngest to second-oldest 18 months ago - a big adjustment.  Loves all things Lego and transportation and has ongoing "vroommmm" sounds exuding from his mouth during said activities.  Another avid reader.  An active little boy, he bikes, runs, and swings with vigor.  Plays cello and thinks it's awesome when I play piano with him on "Old MacDonald." 

A17m: 17-month old girl. Most expressive faces I've ever seen. I love them all, especially when the nose is scrunched.



Swinging is a favorite activity!

 
 A17m enjoys: doing anything her siblings are doing, "reading" through books by flipping a couple of pages and grabbing a new one (though she will listen to "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"), approaching "Babababa" (babies) while they're on their tummies and patting them (similar to burping them), and being silly.  She has super-cute babbles and we are working on getting more words.  She is smart but also screams when everything isn't going her way.  Ah, the life of a toddler.   

Peek-a-boo!

K in the swing. 

 S5m and K5m: I am working on noticing the differences between this identical duo, as to not always lump them as one entity, "The Twins."  So far, here's what I've got:

K is chubbier of the twins, probably by a pound and a half or so.  Think that's not much?  Imagine being 10% heavier than someone exactly your size and who has the same genetic make-up of you.  He enjoys kicking his legs with great enthusiasm while on the changing table and has gigantic eyes.  He also has a distinct "Prelude to a Cry" song in his vocal repertoire, which somewhat resembles a raccoon noises or small animal yelps.  This means: "I am not crying yet but if you don't get me some food soon, I will give you full-blown shrieks and tears." 

S5m enjoys being held more than K and has a leaner torso and face.  He is more likely to scrunch up into hungry face and cry if something is wrong or if he wants to be cuddled.  He recently added rap noises to his repertoire of sounds, which are these spitty lip bubble things where air comes out of his mouth without actually opening it.  He also has a great smile and seems to enjoy looking around at all that's going on.  He was a little behind brother K in raising his head but with much training, S is also able to raise his head and look around while lying on his belly.  (K does this with slightly greater ease).

S observing the world (and the photographer)

K with his huge eyes on the left, S on the right.  This picture also demonstrates the passion these boys have for sucking on their fingers. 

This is my new life.  Though I still get nostalgic (read: a little sad) when I think about the 200 or so kids I left behind in Fargo I think I am doing moderately well at embracing my new job, with my new kids.  Working with only 5 kids is a huge change from so many, obviously. While I think that I so darn extroverted and working with large groups is a special niche for me, working with merely 5 kids is a different kind of good thing for me.   I have a separate blog post rolling around in my mind, discussing the various things I have learned thus far from my new job, but suffice it to say for now, I'm learning new things.


Learning new things is always a good thing!  Have you learned something new today?

Picture This

When I decided to start a blog, I figured I would have enough to write about all the time.  After all, I am constantly thinking things ("things" having a broad definition of both realistic and nonsensical things, and some things actually being various melodic lines).   My husband and I usually play the "What are you thinking about game?" and I always win, in that I usually have three to five answers to the question.  Please note that I have never considered this question a competition until this very instant, which is unfortunate, because Ryan's response 93% of the time is "nothing" which means I would practically be an undefeated champion and feel great about myself. 

This is all to say that I am finding it harder than expected to determine what to share and how to share it.  I would love to share some great stories from nannying but I want to be very respectful of the family I am nannying for and am still trying to discern how much would be appropriate to post online.  I am really hoping I can post pictures of the kiddos at some point because they are beautiful!

Here's the main point of this entry: Telling you about my weekend.  It was fairly eventful. 

1. Happy Birthday, dear Ryan!

My husband finally turned the age I was when we got married.  We celebrated with his parents in a most excellent low-key evening filled with a walk through the Botanical gardens in Chicago-area, a trip to an ethnic grocery store, presents, homemade soup and bread, and this black bottom raspberry pie.  It was a new recipe and tasted as good as it looks.  Here was the inside:

2. I ran the Chicago half marathon.  It went really well!  My time was a little slower (2:08 vs. 2:00) than when I ran it in Fargo in 2008, but unlike Fargo, I didn't feel like vomitting and was able to walk after I crossed the finish line.  There are pros and cons to both situations.   

Ryan's brother also ran the race.  We ran together until mile 4, when he gave me to "go ahead" to keep a faster pace than him.  That meant I was on the look out for a new running buddy and, after striking up one-sentence conversations with several people and striking out, I eventually found a nice lady named Jennifer who was 37 years old and also ditched her running buddy and was looking for a new friend.  We ran from mile 7 or so til the end and encouraged each other greatly.

Here are the proud finishers, in a picture with a proud and somewhat sneaky husband, taken by a most helpful girlfriend of David:

3.

I rested on Monday (I was a little sore still) and was back to work today and will continue to work part-time this week.  So far, so good! 

Thanks for reading and I hope to post more connection-related materials soon :)

The wonderful thing about jobs is that jobs are a wonderful thing!

I have a job!

I am a nanny for an amazing Christian family that lives fairly close to me.  The mom is staying home as well.  Wouldn't you, if you had a 7 year old, a 6 year old, a 17 month old and (surprise!) 5 month old twins?

I've had a few days of work and love it.  The kids are playful and polite.  The babies are super cute.  The parents are solid people with good values and are organized.  These are all great things in a work environment. 

Am I teaching?  Well, yes, in the sense that every day you're alive is a lesson.  And yes, in that these kids are homeschooled and I'm helping out with that.  And yes, these kids take music lessons and I will assist there as well.   

But in the sense of I'll be salaried to work 40 hours a week and see hundreds of kids each day and will actually put in a lot more time and be stressed out as well: no. 

(Are there some teachers out there who actually only put in 40 hours a week or don't ever get stressed by your job?  Who are you and what is your secret?)   

It has been a quite the journey to arrive at a place where I am okay with this kind of set-up in my life right now, saying a temporary farwell to a music classroom.  But where I encountered closed door after slammed-shut door trying to get into the schools in this area, I found doors swinging opening with me barely tapping on them as I started pursuing and being pursued by this family.  I feel confident that I will be satisfied with my job.  Additionally, I will be full time and creating relationships and swamping recipes with a good cook.  Most importantly, though, I will be working, which is wonderful in itself.  I have enjoyed slower days in our apartment (mostly) and being home when Ryan is home and baking bread even more often than normal and all that... but working is healthy for so many reasons and on so many levels.  I am looking forward to being more involved with my work and trying something new. 

I have a job! 

Singleness, Nonsense, and King David

This is another post that I actually wrote a few weeks ago.  I had good intentions to write something else in between the Israelite post and this one...and then had a week in which nothing seemed blog-worthy.  So, here you go, another post on a similar topic.  I hope you still enjoy it.  And, my job situation has changed since I wrote this.  Another post will be about that topic soon!

This post is for Amanda, Danielle, Kimmy, Laura, and Sarah

I am 26 years old and I have five close friends who are still single at this point in their lives, this mid-twenties season.  With the exception of one, none of them have had a serious relationship.  The one who did have that was shaken and torn and ripped apart inside when the wonderful guy she was dating turned into a full-blown deceiver, breaking it off unexpectedly in the midst of something seemingly great they had. 

I’ve never understood why some women date a lot and why others don’t.  What I really mean is: why are my five beautiful friends still single?  Why am I not?  I got asked out a grand total of two times in my college career, and then didn’t date at all until a year and a half after graduating, when my then-close guy friend, now-husband finally convinced me we should date.  Welcome to one of the best decisions of my life.  What makes some people able to date and find their spouse, and others left searching and not asked out for so long?

My friends are beautiful, inside and out.  I could go on and on about their great conversation skills, their compassion, their desire to grow with the Lord.  They are funny, they are smart, and they have a zest for life.  Not only would they make excellent marriage partners, I have full assurance they will make excellent mothers someday.  They’re still single.  Sometimes okay with that, sometimes struggling.

My accountability partner Laura and I were talking yesterday and our conversation ended up veering slightly towards people of the opposite sex.  She ended up saying something to the effect of, “What is it about me?  Why have I never been able to do this, to date, to be in a relationship?”  In essence, she was asking, “What is wrong with me?”

I quickly jumped in and told her nothing was wrong with her.  (I decided it was okay to take artistic liberty and leave out the parts about sin in our lives and the total depravity of man, how no one is righteous, not even one).  I told her she was beautiful, compassionate, easy to talk to, and fun to be around.  I told her this isn’t an issue about her; this is clearly an issue about God.  God’s timing is not our timing.  God must have something planned for her that means she isn’t dating right now.  Maybe the right person isn’t in her life right now.  Maybe she has to do something still for His kingdom as a single woman.  There is something going on that is above us, making a situation that we want to be solvable elusive to our feeble minds.

In 1^st Samuel, I am reading the story of David and soaking it up.  I’m at the part where David is involved in royal matters, but he’s not king yet, by any means.  I get the impression he is an older teen or a twenty-something himself, as he doesn’t become king until he’s 30.  David is still young and not quite experienced, but he’s fresh and strong and stealing the hearts of everyone in the kingdom, especially those who are female and unmarried, being ruddy and handsome and all.  The author of Samuel notes often that “the LORD was with David,” giving young Dave extra power and success.  However, right now, he has fled the kingdom, because Saul, the king, is trying to kill him.  Literally kill him, like with a spear.

Chapter 20 starts off like this: “David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan, Saul’s son, and asked, “What have I done?  What is my crime?  How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?” 

I imagine David frustrated, tired from running, sweaty and maybe trying to hold back some angry tears as he talks to his best friend Jonathan.  I can hear some undertones in the dialog: God, I have been doing everything right!   I am doing my best to serve Saul, I am respecting him as Your appointed king.  I am serving the kingdom by taking care of those pesky Philistines.  I am making music and singing to You and loving You… and this is what I get?  This is my reward for a pure heart, a pure life, for a pursuit of righteousness?  A death warrant from the very man I am trying to serve?

This is a conversation that I have with God, too, changing a detail or two when it comes to slaughtering Philistines.  My conversation sounds a little more like this:

“God, why don’t I have a job?  You gave me a wonderful job back in Fargo, and I gained great experiences and served You and my students there.  Why don’t I have a job in Chicago?  I am a good teacher.  You have been with me.  I am still praying to You, crying out to You, reading my Bible every day and doing what I think is right.  What gives?”

When I just wrote that, I realize it comes across as pretty selfish and arrogant.  While that’s true to some extent, the condition of my heart is really more in pleading mode than demanding mode.  I have to imagine David was there, too.  This is legitimate!  There are legitimate things going on in my life that don’t make sense.

Have you ever felt like you’ve only been doing the right thing, that the Lord was with you, that you were pursuing good things, and yet, nothing adds up? 

Are you pursuing the Lord and godliness, and don’t understand why you’re still single?

Are you an excellent and qualified worker without a job?

Are you a hard worker, without that promotion?

The examples go on and on.

Though there are sometimes concrete explanations for these kinds of things, I believe that we have to return to the fact that God is sovereign and in control of every aspect of our lives. As frustrating as it can be, I sometimes have to truly take to heart that God has plans going on all around us, and we are often not involved in them until they are actually happening.  He is much more complex than a simple formula of our righteous.  (Furthermore, isn’t the real reward in knowing Him, rather than getting what we feel we deserve as an earthly reward/consequence?  More food for thought).

I also believe that these times where things don’t add up are prime opportunities for faith-building.  If our actions always resulted in a consequence that made sense, our need for God would greatly diminish.  Our God, essentially, would diminish.  That is not the kind of religion I want to pursue, that of a diminishing need for God.  I cannot do this on my own. 

Finally, I believe that God refines us in these times that don’t make sense.  I can speak from the front-lines of experience here.  I want a job and feel very qualified for the 18+ jobs I have applied for this summer.  But I don’t have one right now.  And I am learning more and more every day about what it literally means to trust God.  I have also been stripped of some pride and been humbled.  These are all things God uses to make me into His child.  Sometimes, I think He could care less if I had a job.  He wants me to be holy, He wants me to grow in faith.

David certainly grew in faith.  If you read the psalms, David is a man of a wide array of emotions.  I have to think that during this time when he was near the smell of death, God was preparing David for better things.  God was teaching David about compassion and not abusing power.  God was giving David a full-blown experience of emotions that David could then write down and we could call the Psalms and read through thousands of years later and experience comfort.  And, if you get to 2^nd Samuel (where I am now, actually, and it’s beautiful, minus chapter 11), you can see how great of a king David was, and how that was very much a result of the awful things he went through prior to obtaining the crown that, at the time, did not add up. 

David was refined.  Frustrated and angry, but finally refined. 

God’s plans do not always make sense to us, but He always intends for us to grow, should we accept His plans, even if they don’t make sense to us. 

Who Me, an Israelite?!

I wrote this post a week or two ago, actually, but didn’t feel like putting it up quite then.  Now, I think I am ready to share a huge connection between my life and something God has been teaching me.  It’s a longer post today but I truly hope you read it and can be encouraged by it as well. 

The background:

Moving to seminary has been an exciting prospect for several months of my life.  Back in December, my husband got accepted.  In February, we visited campus and I officially resigned from my job.  I started looking for new jobs in March.  I had my small group start praying for me in April.  I got my first promise of an interview in May.  I got my first phone interview in June, followed by another, and another, and another… eight interviews in all. 

I have not received a job offer, much less a job. 

It is easy to become frustrated.  It is easy to think this isn’t fair.  It is easy to become enthralled with the past, to glorify it almost.  I did have a great job.  I had great co-workers.  I had great job stability, I had great benefits, and I loved my students. 

Everyone said I would get a job.  I remember asking my Bible study to pray for me and they did, as a formality, mostly.  “Emily,” one friend/co-worker said, a few years my senior, said, with a sage smile and great confidence, “I just know you’ll get a job.  I mean, I forget that you have to think about that, but seriously.  You’ll get a job.” 

“Emily, you are so talented.  Any district would be lucky to have you.”

“Once you get an in-person interview, you’ll be sure to get a job.  You have such a bright personality!”

“You haven’t gotten a job?  They don’t know what they’re missing!”

I have gotten encouragement from so many people throughout the process, well-meaning and trusted people from my work and my church and my family, people who care about me and truly have faith I’ll get a job.  I shared that faith for a long time.  I mean, I still share that faith, but I am starting to re-think things, too.  I have also needed to face reality, and the fact that it is mid-August and I have signed no contract. 

Mid-Process

I have prayed to God, with fervor.  God has answered my prayers, in some ways.  Initially, I was praying for encouragement – and I got it in a big way.  My first interview was with a very prestigious district and I didn’t technically apply for the position.  I got an interview based on a mostly-finished application, and it went fabulously well.  I made it to round two interviews with flying colors.  (I was eventually turned down for the position via a personal email from the principal, who said she loved meeting me!  But they went with a candidate who was a better fit for their part-time position.  I was okay with that).  The day after this interview, I got another interview in a different district.   This is all after a month of silence, and a few days of praying for affirmation.  God is good, and I praised Him royally for such blessings. 

Then, I got turned down for jobs.  Districts started not getting back to me.  I literally interviewed for a job in June and they never told me, one way or the other.  No returned voicemail or email.  No form letter in the mail.  Nothing.

What next?

So, how does one respond to this?  How do you trust a God who promises to be faithful – and has been so, so faithful in your past – when you have been praying for a job and you have not received?  I have been doing my part – applying for every job within a 20 mile radius of my new home, scouring the Internet for any sort of possibility of work – and God, it might seem, has not been delivering.

With that, I have been frustrated.  Anxious.  Slightly bitter.  Sad.  Time is seemingly running out.  Seminary bills are approaching.  Yes, God is faithful… but how do I respond to this predicament of unanswered prayer?  I am supposed to be working, to provide for our family, to fulfill my calling, to influence tomorrow’s leaders today!   Furthermore, God, I am getting bored.  There is only so much organizing you can do in 550 square feet. 

This is the attitude I have taken on.  It probably could have kept on heading in that direction, had I not come across a familiar passage of Scripture that took on an entirely new level of relevance. 

Here I am, reading through 1^st Samuel.  I used to be a hardcore New Testament girl, if you can give that sort of title to a person based on their Testament preferences.  Anyway, I loved Paul’s letters – loved them!  - and would always be reading through the gospels.  This is certainly not a bad thing, but over the past couple of years, I have developed a thing of sorts for the historical books of the Old Testament.  Blame my husband, the historian (who just told me, “You shouldn’t cast blame on anybody”) or the hardest season of my life ever, when I happened to be in the book of Exodus and every word and every story had depth beyond depth and meaning that applied exactly to what I was going through, but whatever the reason, I like Exodus and the Samuels a lot.  Genesis, too; and Ruth and Joshua, which I haven’t read in a while.  There is something about reading through a story rather than an epistle that opens me up for meaning.  You read Philippians 4:4 (which I love and was used in our wedding), and it says, “Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!” and you can have a Bible study kind of like this:

What does this passage mean? (Paul thinks it important to rejoice in the Lord).
What does this passage want us to do?  (Rejoice in the Lord.)
How do we know? (Paul repeats the message)

I can’t believe I’m close to knocking Philippians, one of my favorite books of the Bible, but take this as an ironic and lovingly poking-fun example of a beloved book.  Things are more straightforward with James, Paul, and John; but with Moses or whoever is writing Samuel, you have your work cut out for you.  You get to make your own connections.  They aren’t going to tell you how to think or exactly what God was doing all the time, but you will get a picture of the events and some insight into motives of the characters and get to apply this to your own life.  It’s quite exciting, really.

 

Anyway, here I am in 1^st Samuel.  It’s been a good journey for me but only so-so for the Israelites, who are losing battles and being ruled by some pretty incompetent priests.  At chapter 8, the people of Israel make a bold and ultimately destructive, deadly request.  By people, I mean the elders (v. 4) – the head men in charge of the nations’ people.

“Give us a king to lead us.” 

It’s short.   It’s semi-understandable, considering the shady business the priests were into these days. 

But then, it’s completely absurd.  Absurd!  These people were ruled by God.  The God who parted the Red Sea and killed every single male warrior of Egypt not that long ago in Exodus.  The God who speaks to them, and cares deeply for them. 

But they pray and ask for a king.  God is rightfully upset, being completely and utterly rejected and all, and tells Samuel, His messenger, something interesting. 

“Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will claim as his rights.”  (v.9)  (There are some other important things God says earlier, fyi).

Samuel gives them the low down about all the rotten things that will happen when a king comes.  But they won’t budge.  The refuse to listen to Samuel, and repeat their request again, in v. 19. 

And eventually, they get what they asked for.

Allow me to make some parallels, some that are slightly disturbing and/or frightening:

1.   God answers our prayers.  If we are annoying enough and unceasing in our asking, He might just give us what we want, not what we need.  If that doesn’t terrify you, I don’t think you understand much about who God is.  Please forgo reading the rest of this entry and read the Old Testament.

2.    God knows what’s best for us. 

3.   Listening and applying God’s wisdom matters.  The Israelites heard God – they heard Samuel loud and clear and then deliberately ignored the true and good advice.  They suffer dearly for this terrible and ignorant oversight.

This hit me in a particularly fresh way, because I could see myself in the Israelites.  I could see myself begging and asking God the same question, the question that isn’t really a question at all but instead a selfish demand.  My “Give us a king” changed into “Give me a job.”   Everyone else has a job.  I use to have a good job.  I want a job!  Give me a job, God.  Please, God.  I need a job. 

And all this time, I wasn’t really taking the time to consider what was God’s best for me.  I still don’t know, mind you, what that could possibly be, but I wasn’t allowing God the option.  I wasn’t really praying with a pure heart.  I was demanding, just like the Israelites.  They weren’t asking with humble and contrite hearts to be protected in battle, and maybe have a king, but still remaining open to whatever the Lord’s will might have been. They had an agenda and a plan by means of a king.  God was merely a pawn to help them accomplish their own means. 

I shudder.  I don’t want that to be me, God; but how often have I used You in a similar way, to meet the needs I have decided for myself?  I figure out the plan and then pray, because You are amazing, and You promise to give whatever I ask for in prayer, right?  Jesus said that.  It has to be true, in every single context, right? 

Needless to say, I have been humbled.  I am being humbled, rather; and it has been good for my soul.

I am still praying for a job.  But I am more praying for the bigger issues underlying this prayer.  I am praying that God would provide for me and Ryan financially and that I would find purpose in whatever I do this fall and throughout the school year.  I am praying that I would grow in my faith and trust of God, and that I could share with others about how faithful God has been, because that is a big story in my relatively short life, the story of God’s incredible faithfulness.  I am praying for contentment.  I do want a job, but I have cried a few tears and started to let go of the prospect of my own classroom for this school year, and I think that is part of the process of growing in faith and in life.

God has a plan for me.  It might be a job, teaching K-5 music in a classroom, like I wanted and prayed for.  But it might be something very, very different.  I pray that I might have the faith and courage to believe and live like I believe He can do that.  His plans are greater than our plans.  I want a job, but far more importantly, I want Him to be my true King. 

Wow! You're close!

I am training to run the Chicago Half Marathon on September 11th.  This will be my 3rd race since vowing to never race again in 2002, at the end of cross country running.  However, I feel that any vow made by a weary 17 year old runner should be taken with a grain of salt and I am definitely okay breaking the vow for this race.  Training has been a great motivator and purpose-builder for me in my running.  I would probably run for fun, to an extent, but I certainly wouldn't run 10 miles on a Saturday morning for the love of the "game." 

I did, however, run 10 miles this past Saturday morning, as a part of training.  Long runs are good for me - I can tell I am a distance runner, because my body starts to feel good after two miles, and then gets another kick after five miles or so - but they are hard.  I get intimidated by the length before I run, and then when I run, I sometimes get a little bored, honestly; and being bored while experiencing the minor aches and pains that go along with running 10 miles makes for a troubling combination at times.

I was telling my friend Danielle about my upcoming run so we could plan to Skype around it, and she asked how many miles I would be doing.  I told her 10, and since we were actually gchatting, she didn't get the Eeyore-esque tone of voice that would have been clearly conveyed in a face-to-face conversation, expressed with a sigh at the looming prospect of 10 lonely miles. 

Danielle said, "Wow!  That means you're getting close to your race!"

Wow?  Close to my race?  That's your response?

What a great response. 

I think that's a response I need to take when I'm experiencing something difficult.  Usually, we go through something hard because there is something good at the end, whether it's moving to a new place or being refined in character.  I don't know if this applies to every situation, but often, we have to do and/or get through a less-pleasant something on the way to a more-pleasant something. 

Turns out, the run was fantastic.  I was tired at the start, but got the two mile kick and was inspired at my turn-around spot at five miles.  Around mile six (or at 1:08, whatever method you prefer to be informed about my run), it start to rain.  It was a light rain, meaning the drops were normal sized but not coming down too hard.  By the time I got to mile eight, it was hard to see through the rain and I was completely drenched and there was thunder and lightning.  I kind of felt like James Bond.  By kind of, I mean not really at all, but I did feel strong and powerful, facing the elements like that.

By the last half mile, every step I took I could feel my feet squishing in my shoes.  I was squinting as to avoid excess water from blowing into my eyes.  I hardly stopped to walk when it was all over, because I just wanted to get in my apartment.  I was laughing at this crazy weather and that I had survived and because it was fun!  Running in the rain is fun.  I don't think I would have enjoyed starting the run in the rain, but it was a motivating second half, and encouraged me to run faster. 

I'm sure you're all dying to know, of course, that I ran the whole thing in one hour and 42 minutes and 38 seconds.  Oh wait - your family doesn't exercise by the stopwatch and tell everyone about it when you're done?  Oh... interesting.

I had a great run, running in the rain.  I had renewed perspective.  I also took this "great" picture of myself right after I was done, thinking of this very blog.  This is true vunerability, friends.  Enjoy it, and thanks again for reading!

 

What's in a name?

I like stories.

I like sharing stories.  Or, as my husband reminded me, when I told him I was probably going to start a blog, I like sharing everything.  (To an extent, he is absolutely correct). 

So, why start “The Emily Connection”?  Why call it “The Emily Connection”?  Well, here’s a story to start us off:

One day, in kindergarten music, I was telling my students that sadly, Ricky (the raccoon who sings and lives behind my piano) was not going to be visiting for a while.  I explained that Ricky was sick with a cold and wouldn’t be able to sing with us and he was staying at my apartment for until he got better.  (In a sheer coincidence, I, too, had a cold.  Funny how those things coincided).  

No sooner had I explained poor Ricky’s condition than one bright kindergartener’s hand shot up as her eyes opened wide.  Feeling compelled to learn what brought on this dramatic reaction, I called on her.

“Mrs. Aubrey!” she said, nearly breathless.  “Mrs. Aubrey, I made a connection!  Ricky lives in an apartment, and so do I!”

Of course, then, in true kindergarten fashion, nearly every student felt the need to share that they had a connection between something and another. 

But connections are kind of a big deal, and that is what I think this blog will be about.

Our lives are connected to lots of things.  We are connected to our families and friends, of course; but we are also connected to the place we live and the places we frequent.  We are connected to our past, which  has shaped you,  and we are connected to our ideas and to the ideas of those around us. 

Should you continue to read this blog, you will probably get connected to bits and pieces of my thoughts and what is going on in my life.  Also, I already have some entries mapped out and they connect my life to things I have read and/or am reading in scripture.  I believe that’s one of the most important connections we can make.

So, I thank you in advance for reading.  I’m warning you right now that I can be wordy.  And emotional.  And weepy.  (Though that last one won’t affect you too much, as a reader separated by miles but connected via the Internet.  Ah, what a connection!)

Thank you so much for caring to read J  I hope you that you will come back!