I get to spend a small but exciting half hour of my week one on one in a small practice room with an eager six year old musician. Yes, Emily the Piano Teacher is back. I don't have as many students as I did in Fargo (which is actually kind of a relief) but it's students like this that make me happy to be teaching in this capacity.
We had a pre-lesson conversation in which I asked her about school, and she went on and on, and then I asked her more specifically about math. She said: "We're learning about penguins!" and proceded to have me guess how tall emporer penguins are (three to four feet) and spurt out other bits of knowledge about the said mathematical creatures, often starting her statements with "Did you know that..." or "Guess what?!" (Side note: If you work around children, you need to understand that "Guess what?" is not actually a question requiring an answer but a means for them to fully proceed onward in their monologue of communication that they want to share with you. It's suppose to make it sound like they're truly interested in your response but mostly they just need to share).
Then, she started telling me about predators of penguins. She couldn't quite remember what they were called, but after describing what they did, she realized they were whales. Then, she told me:
"Killer whales can kill anything. Except Jesus."
How true that is - killer whales can kill anything, but probably not our RISEN Lord and Savior.
Happy Easter to all! I hope you get a chance to celebrate the new life that is possible through the work of Jesus Christ. He is amazing, conquering sin and death... and could totally take a killer whale.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
As a general rule, I'm not a big
mirror person. I intentionally did not put one up in my locker in middle/high
school, going against the raging trend of teenagers at that time to check on
your make-up and hair in between classes. (My reasoning: I wouldn't have enough
time to do anything about it if I noticed something wrong with my hair, so it
would be better off just not knowing. Also, I didn't wear make-up).
I know you're probably on the edge of your seat right now, wondering why I
would have started this blog post about mirrors when I don't care much about
them. Maybe you're even wondering why it's taken me so long to update. To the first question I say keep reading,
please. To the latter, I have wondered
about this as well, but avoid answering it by posing another question: Ever
been through a spiritual plateau?
Hello, my name is Emily, and I have
ups and downs in my spiritual life (and sometimes just don't have the drive or
discipline to blog). I feel like this topic could be an entire network of
posts, most of which would only vaguely make sense, but let me suffice it to
say that I knew and still know that God is always good and is doing things that
I am often unaware of but it doesn't mean my walk with Him is always bursting
and bubbling over.
However, I have been reading Genesis
lately. It has honestly been a bit
depressing. Other than God creating the whole world and it being amazing and good
and all that, there is a lot of sin, right away in the world. Even people who
are considered righteous are sometimes doing some clearly unrighteous things. This has bothered me lately. I was particularly troubled by Jacob, a man
who gets about 11 chapters devoted to his life story. As much as his name is technically Israel by
the end of the story (which is a big deal, no question), his initial mark in
the Bible is sketchy at best. His name
means "deceiver" and he lives up to its meaning right away, tricking
his brother in a deal and working in cahoots with his mother by blatantly lying
to his aging and blind father in order to receive a blessing.
One antidote to this came in the
form of reading a commentary, Handbook on the Pentatuch by Victor
Hamilton, on the text, as recommended by Ryan the Stable and Wise. I have
really enjoyed learning some more historical/cultural insights on such passages
as well as getting additional insights from a believer who was knowledgeable
enough to write a prominent book on this particular part of scripture.
Anyway, Jacob's world shifts when he leave home to find a wife. He is on his own, encounters God via an intense dream, and makes a vow to state his now-dependence upon God. (Genesis 28:20-21). He then meets Laban, his mother's brother, and has this joyful meeting of a long-lost relative and ends up working for Laban.
Lovely as this all seems, Laban
appears to be just as icky on the inside as Jacob. The story is really more
complicated than I want to summarize here but the point is that Laban is also a
deceitful man.
"Oh great!" I thought to
myself with exasperation, "Another guy in the Bible who we should not
emulate."
The commentator had something
different to say.
Huh... Laban is a mirror? Someone
who is sinning in the same way challenges Jacob to look at himself and see the
sin? That made some sense to me. I entertained the concept and thought it to be
a good insight until God gave me a little mirror experience of my own, at which
point lesson hit me like a truck.
Recently, I observed someone asking
a question to a child about a slightly trivial matter. When the child gave his
response, the person asking the question got aggravated and tried to convey to
the child that his response was not the right response and eventually cajoled
the child into agreeing to what the adult thought was the correct response on
the semi-minor issue.
Being the Love-and-Logic educator I
am, I internally dove into negative response mode at this person. I think it's
in very poor taste to ask a question when you only want one answer - experts
prove this! Besides, it seems manipulative. I was pretty judgmental.
Fast forward a couple of days: Ryan
and I are making potato soup. The bread dough is rising, the broth is boiling,
and Ryan is cutting vegetables and putting them into the pot. We have the
following interaction.
Emily: [observing the vegetables
that are on the cutting board] Do you want to add some onion to the soup?
Ryan: No, probably not this time. I
think it's [the pot] is going to be pretty full.
Then I thought: Mirror... mirror...
Wait a second. Was I just embodying
the very thing I had mentally condemned a few days before?
Ryan: Yes, of course! Onion adds
flavor and deliciousness to this soup. Thank you so much, my dear and beautiful
wife, for reminding me of this essential element for tonight's dinner. As a
token of my gratitude and love for you, would you bestow upon me the honor of a
giving you a back rub later this evening?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
That Girl
I got a pair of tights over Christmas break. (You know, those stretchy, tubular articles
of clothing that go over your legs, similar to “leggings”; those things that
people started wearing about two years ago?)
I like to keep up with the trends.
Are you athletic? That Girl is faster, stronger, and more flexible than you, but she doesn’t train as often. Or, That Girl shows up at the gym at 6:00 a.m. every day just to get a good start to the day. I’ve seen it both ways. She also has expensive sweat-wicking workout clothes and manages to look good even after doing the elliptical machine for 45 minutes.
Are you a good cook? You have probably noticed that That Girl cooks with all natural and organic ingredients that she has found on sale by scoping out the weekly ads and using all the coupon programs you find a smidge too complicated. Her recipes are always turn out just right and while you might rejoice over a new kind of pasta sauce you’ve developed, That Girl has developed a new kind of entrĂ©e that would be too complicated and delicious to describe in this space and would hardly use something as simple as “pasta” when options like couscous and quinoa exist.
She is way more confident than me. She’s not even trying and she is better than me at everything.
I like to keep up with the trends.
In general, I think I am dressing better each year. I blame my deep love and affection for camp
and my summers there for influencing me to not care about clothing (which is
actually a good thing, to an extent) but also for supplying me with copious
amounts of T-shirts, most of which are only appropriate to work on such a
campus as camp. Or maybe when you’re
painting. Or sleeping. But I tried to get away from clothes such as
that when I became a “real” adult/got a teaching job in Fargo and became aware
that I could run into students and parents at any time at the grocery store or
on an innocent Target trip. (Not
convinced those fears were founded in reality?
When my then-boyfriend-now-husband and I went engagement ring shopping
at the mall in Fargo, I ran into four students and one parent. Why, sure, I will share this incredibly
romantic and private and slightly terrifying moment with you, junior high
girls who signed up for choir this year).
Although I wouldn’t describe myself as very trendy or as one
who loves shopping or has lots and lots of clothes, I do feel confident in my
ability to dress well as needed. I can
dress up, and I can dress casually, I can do “dress casual.”
I also, in general, like my body and my face and my hair. This is helpful when dressing and such.
But there are times when none of this matters. All sense of security I might have, any
compliments I might have received about my appearance or any becoming article
of clothing I may be wearing will be cast aside; thrown to the wind, and it’s
all because of her.
That Girl.
You know who that is, That Girl. That Girl is the one who always “happens” to
look better than you. Did you roll out
of bed and think “All I have to do today is make dinner and clean up afterwards”
and dress accordingly, wearing in jeans and whatever is clean and will keep
you warm? Well, you might pass her and
she’ll be wearing something stunning -
just because. Have you actually put a
decent amount of thought into your outfit of the day, coordinating a scarf with
a new sweater and wearing make-up just because it feels good? That Girl has rolled out of bed and just
thrown something together to wear with scarcely a thought at all but comes out
looking about 30% better than you nonetheless.
I noticed That Girl when Ryan and I were new to Chicago and
trying out different churches. That Girl was
singing on the worship team wearing this amazing outfit – modest, trendy, classy,
and cute – and her voice – wow! Warm through
her mid-range, flexible, tone that was gorgeous, with a gentle vibrato in such
a way that innocent bystanders are struggling to focus on God because they want
to focus on her beautiful voice. (Although
they notice her beautiful skin, hair, and her perfect body, too).
That Girl made me mad inside. Never mind the fact that I, too, was wearing
a cute skirt that looked really nice and am blessed with decent skin and am pretty
thin and was training for the half marathon at the time, so I was strong. That Girl intruded on my thoughts with a vengeance.
That Girl doesn’t stop there.
Have you noticed that That Girl has a wide range of skills
and talents, all of which you are pretty good at – until you notice her? Are you athletic? That Girl is faster, stronger, and more flexible than you, but she doesn’t train as often. Or, That Girl shows up at the gym at 6:00 a.m. every day just to get a good start to the day. I’ve seen it both ways. She also has expensive sweat-wicking workout clothes and manages to look good even after doing the elliptical machine for 45 minutes.
Are you a good cook? You have probably noticed that That Girl cooks with all natural and organic ingredients that she has found on sale by scoping out the weekly ads and using all the coupon programs you find a smidge too complicated. Her recipes are always turn out just right and while you might rejoice over a new kind of pasta sauce you’ve developed, That Girl has developed a new kind of entrĂ©e that would be too complicated and delicious to describe in this space and would hardly use something as simple as “pasta” when options like couscous and quinoa exist.
Are you funny? That
Girl has some wit and can make any one, any age, laugh uncontrollably.
Are you a good writer?
That Girl has an ever-growing resume of exiting projects she has worked
on, all of which were paid, and probably took her to exciting places around
the world.
I’ve heard That Girl turns into “That Mom” when you have
kids and the situation can get ugly. Her
kids are perfectly behaved and eat homemade, well balanced meals every day and
achieve things above and beyond what is considered normal for their age
group. This is likely because she runs a
home that is rich in literacy and raises her children in a way that is firm but
loving. She also attends Spin classes
three times a week, in addition to volunteering in her child’s classroom every
other Wednesday (the other Wednesday she volunteers at the homeless shelter) and
leading the PTA.
In every situation, she’s skinny, of course. She probably has perfect skin.
Unfortunately, That Girl is both nearby and far away. As I mentioned, I saw That Girl while
attending a new church soon after Ryan and I moved here. But I also had a much more personal That Girl
encounter with someone who is very close to me.
I felt like I was on the same level as this person, really, since we are
friends. She is beautiful inside and
out, which is part of the reason I love her so much. But somehow, during out last interaction, she
morphed into That Girl. Suddenly, I was
very aware of my hand-me-down jeans. (By
the way, thank you, Danielle, Ryan, and Elizabeth for giving me your jeans you
didn’t want anymore and to Jen for noticing I needed new jeans providing denim accordingly). I noticed her hair is
cuter than mine and styled more creatively and cutely. I noticed she didn’t care about either of
these things, and that made me feel even more guilty and insecure. The list went on, but I think you can get the
picture.
This is about the time when a That Girl encounter turns ugly. However, I have learned that I am not alone
in my next action when I cross paths with That Girl.
I am not proud of this, but feel like it should be addressed.
I start to play “Beat That Girl.” Not literally, of course. There aren’t always clubs or other heavy
objects nearby. (Did I just take that
joke too far? Probably. Ignore that, then).
“Beat That Girl” is played mentally, in self-talk, and is
essentially a game of one-upmanship. It
goes a little something like this:
That sweater looks
awesome on her – classy and trendy and what a great color! I wish I had worn my cute jeans today.
Her hair has a great
sheen….But, my hair is naturally blonde.
Lots of people want that.
And, I have skinnier
legs! Plus, she is breaking out a little
bit.
But she knows how to
wear make-up… and it covers up everything and looks understated and
perfect. She is way more confident than me. She’s not even trying and she is better than me at everything.
Umm...
I’m married – So
there!
Yes, being married does trump the scenario for me. I recently realized that I am not the only
one who uses a ring as a trump card.
There are, obviously, a lot of terrible things that go on during this
mental game but the conclusion is probably the worst.
It’s a completely absurd game.
Why do I play it? Do
you play it, too? Perhaps you play a
variation of the game, and substitute other items in the mental talk, but
either way – this is not how people should be interacting with one another.
This is not a recipe for a healthy relationship. This is a recipe for personal disaster. “Winning” means nothing. I
wish I could always believe this.
I know this would be an appropriate time to insert a “Newsflash! There will always be someone better than you!” That is certainly true. But somehow, I feel like this issue and this
horrible game of comparisons is deeper than something that can be combated with
a simple phrase, true as it is.
If I continue to compare myself to others, I am essentially
saying I am not enough in who I am. I am
not complete in myself. I am not good
enough. And, I put others down in the
process.
I am pretty sure God is not okay with this.
I fully believe people are “people in progress” (aka being
sanctified) and God loves us and wants us to grow, but I also believe He is
completely satisfied with who we are and where we are, too. It’s one of those crazy things that only the
Almighty could ever manage to balance.
I almost didn’t blog about this topic because I couldn’t
figure out how to conclude. This is
definitely an unfinished issue in my heart and in my life. I have a lot of growing to do. But I felt like addressing and even admitting
the problem was a start. And truly, the
finish has got to be found in Christ. I
can’t do this on my own! Security in
life, in ourself, and in our future can only be found outside of ourselves.
Sure, there will always be people who are better than
us. But we aren’t identified by them –
or by that, by what we do or by what they do.
I am working on ending the game before it starts – or at
least before it gets out of hand – and becoming secure in Christ.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
A New Year Should at Least Be Noted
Happy New Year!
I'm only eight days late in wishing you such tidings but the Magi in the Bible didn't celebrate Christmas/Jesus' birth until Jesus was probably a toddler, and if they were considered wise, I feel like I should be okay.
I usually make resolutions/goals at the beginning of the school year and thus don't have any great plans to share. However, creating and keeping this blog going was one of those goals so in just putting up this small bit of information, I am actually fufilling such a promise to myself and allowing you to read a blog post. Brilliant!
To keep things fairly simple, I thought I could post a few pictures from Christmas and share just a smidge about the holiday.
Ryan and I started our 3rd Christmas together with our traditional only-us dinner. Each year, we make really good food and dress up and exchange gifts with each other. Observe:
Our first Christmas together! 2009 |
Another Christmas, another bridesmaid dress. 2010 |
Celebrating in Illinois in 2011 |
This year's menu included pecan-crusted shrimp with a mildly spicy orange dipping sauce, green beans and onions sauteed with balsamic vinegar and brown sugar, homemade clam chowder and bread sticks and sparkling juice to finish it off. We also enjoyed Haagen-Daaz later in the evening.
We then spent Christmas with my family and then with Ryan's family and finally arrived back at our apartment on January 2nd. As my facebook status read shortly after our arrival back to campus, it's great to travel but it's very great to be home. This rang especially true for me this year.
I hope you have had an excellent holiday season!
Cheers to the holiday! |
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